Pseudonyms and Hiatuses

For the few that actually follow me, I’ve taken a hiatus to prep for NaNoWriMo, our holiday fundraisers, and winter in general (even a small hobby farm needs lots of prep).  So my current absence will be the norm for now.

And if you’re thinking “Who the hell is Eliza?!”–I’ve also changed my name–I do go under a pseudonym here, which used to be the generic Anna Smith.  But I’m not generic, and a recent visit to my family and being shown a family tree I constructed decades ago, I decided to use my great-great grandmother’s name.  Appears she had a part in settling Salt Lake City (if only as a relocated resident) and may have been a polygamist’s wife.  While I’m non-religious and no longer in Utah, the name seemed to fit.

Originally using a pseudonym was to keep my partner from finding my blog and getting upset for me sharing about our relationship (I have a lot of things to get off my chest and nowhere to go with it) and to ensure I don’t get bitched out for “wasting” time  on the computer and not getting anything important done because an unspoken theme in our relationship is that I should be doing what she expects me to.  Having my own friends with the same unique interests that I have but my partner does not share is a waste of time in her eyes.  Hell, doesn’t take much for her to hate the friends she makes and it’s usually no time at all before she’s constantly bitching about how she hates so and so.  Usually for not either recognizing my partner knows everything or not dropping everything in their life to come to my partner’s beck and call.

Truthfully, I have not come across many people in “real” life that shares many of my interests and I’m pretty socially awkward, so online friendships (and before the internet, pen pal friendships) had been my strongest.  In years past I would be part of online communities and actually socialize with online friends a few hours a week, which would alway leads to me getting bitched out about spending too much time online and ignoring my partner (even when I tried, to no avail, share with her what I was writing and what my interests were).  So, I just gave up.  Facebook and Instragram are largely ignored (and I’m no longer a Facebook fan anyway), and I deleted all the other social media and blogging outlets I had for the “real” me (which is just me using my real name, but I had to censor every word I wrote to ensure my partner wouldn’t somehow get offended even though I do not write offensive material).  So, using a pseudonym and writing privately means I can write without censor and without being told I am wasting my time.  My partner has suggested I attend a writing group recently, as she thought I should do something I enjoy and she knew that 20 years ago when we meet I really wanted to be a writer, which she passively discouraged by making sure I was much to busy with other “important” tasks that she cared about or though were worthwhile.  So, I know better than to go to the writing group because it will mean that I’ll leave something else undone, and she may also ask me to share my writing–which will either 1.  offend her because a flawed character is obviously me mocking her and/or 2.  why am I writing about what I’m writing and why don’t I instead write about X, Y, and Z stories and characters that she thinks is cool.  Instead, I’ll just write when she isn’t around–and if I’m lucky maybe I can get myself out of bed early to get my words in . . . they are in my head already.

So, I’m still at an stand-still when it comes to blogging.  I’ve been tossing back and forth if I should continue this blog.  For the time being, I’m expecting to focus on both fiction and creative non-fiction that doesn’t fit in with my Existential Farmgrrrl theme, so I’ll be posting elsewhere for a bit when I do post.

Since life is a never ending journey and I don’t know what path my writing will take me to, I can’t say I won’t be back.  To be honest, a lot of what I had planned to share is found on a multitude of sites (such as sharing recipes and how to make many things from scratch), so this particular blog could continue if I change what I write about.

But we shall see.  TTFN.

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